Spotless shadow.
There was a tree near the beach, a mango tree, large and tall enough to create a spotless shadow on the hill. From that gassy green hill, I could see the sandy beach and rocky cliff near the coast that splits the wave into pieces. Under the tree with the dark shadow makes my body cool and fresh. I could smell sweaty and sugary fruit which arouse from the mangoes hang up on the tree.
When I leaned and closed my eyes, I could hear the water splash, chirping from the birds and barking near houses. Salty and sweaty smell both from the ocean and the tree used to moisture my throat. Cool air embrace my body in right temperature to resist the heat from the Sun.
This place was not always giving me the comfort. Especially on ripping season of the mango, I could see children giggling and throwing stones and sticks to get it. If there is no one to catch the falling mango, there is no difference from a grenade splash its pieces to the ground. Nevertheless, flies buzz around the busted mango.
Just getting away from the town to stop hearing hoot and sandy wind that comes from the North, I found the humongous tree to let me relax and enjoy the day. Even though I could not experience anymore my senses still reminds me the place.
From Ha Eun to Jieun Choi
ReplyDelete1. What did you like best about this essay? Be specific as possible.
I really like how she describe the nature around her in a beautiful way. It made me want to go there.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
I think she describe the place pretty clearly.
3.Did the writer appeal to the different sense? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
The two main sensory detail that I recognized were sound (hearing), sight (the view).
"There was a tree near the beach, a mango tree, large and tall enough to create a spotless shadow on the hill." I really liked this expression for the sight.
" When I leaned and closed my eyes, I could hear the water splash, chirping from the birds and barking near houses. " I really liked this for the sound. You can almost hear the sound.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
It feels very calm and feel like it is a place where I can rest as well as the writer.
5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
I believe that this place has a special meaning to the writer. It gives her comfort and rest. Even when I am reading about this I feel relaxed and calm.
6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she writes? Make only one suggestion.
I think paying attention to some of the grammar mistakes would help a lot.
from Jieun Choi to Jun-hee Kang
ReplyDelete1. What I liked the best about this essay was that it was very illustrative. I can see you used many sensory and descriptive words in the entire essay.
2. I think you gave clear and vivid illustration about the place.
3. I think touch, smell and visual senses were written.
" I could smell sweaty and sugary fruit which arouse from the mangoes hang up on the tree."
" Cameroon is Rainforest and desert region, where the Sun may boil your blood and burn your skin."
4. I would describe as peaceful and relaxing place.
5. I think it gave you relax and comfort.
6. I think correcting some minor grammar errors would make your essay better, such as " I leaved near the ocean".