Friday, October 18, 2013

Hanna/201203934/show don't tell/ class TUS


 The unforgettable taste of the physically punished


    When something goes well, then, something bad will happen.Such like the day, 

my deskmate and I have been tasting the taste of the physically punished by our 

teacher after she found us chatting in the classroom for the first time.



    The sunshine was so gleaming and the trees were blowing in the wind. Students 

were studying in classroom and nobody was playing on the playground. Things were 

going well before it happened. Our classroom was extremely quiet although all of my 

classmates were working on their homework. We were feeling so bored for a long 

time studying and my deskmate and I looked at each other with joy. The level of

excitement rose gradually like that of a sunflower seed until we noticed the teacher

standing next to the doorway. I was so embarrassed. The teacher's face turned ino

flames preparing to scream at us with all might. " You two! How many tmes do I

have to tell you to be quiet in class." The teacher's rebuke voice was so lod that I was

beginning to think of the possiblity that even astronauts orbiting the Earth could hear the

peculiar. "My gosh, my doom has come upon me." We murmured in unison. "Get out!" 

teacher said furiously. Our auditory sense was paralyzed for a moment when we heard 

her voice. She would make us face thwall with a scary face. It has been the darkest 

time and I do not know how I could stand it. In the beginning, I did not feel it at all and I 

also thought that it is a piece of cake for me. Then after three hours by facing the wall, 

I could not feel my legs and I said to my deskmate dizzily, "everything looks like 

a wall which I am seeing, don't you? ""yeap, just like you say. Look, a wall is coming 

towards us, amazing…" my deskmate said in surprise. We had to rub our eyes to make s

ure we were not having a nightmare. Yes, it was a nightmare but it was not a wall, 

it was our teacher…



    As the teacher continued her conversation, criticizing us for our inappropriate action,

we became astounded because our teacher has heard what we said. Unfortunately, as a

punishment for not listening to the teacher, we had to face the wall until class was over.

I hate the feeling of the physically punished of having to face the wall.  The dpressing memry

kept up all night and it is something that I will never forget. It was the darkest day ever for

my throughout my high schol experience.






1 comment:

  1. 201102861 Huyoung Lee

    1. What did you like best about this essay? Be as specific as possible.
    I loved the part where you used some interesting expressions such as:
    "The level of excitement rose gradually like that of a sunflower seed" or "The teacher's rebuke voice was so lod that I was beginning to think of the possiblity that even astronauts orbiting the Earth could hear the peculiar." They are such a cute expressions!

    2. Did the writer describe the place clearly? List any parts that were not clear to you.
    Unfortunately, I don't think there are many descriptions on the "place". I could only imagine the classroom through "Our classroom was extremely quiet although all of my classmates were working on their homework." I wish I could get more information about the place. By the way, I'm not sure if you tried to tell you about the "classroom." I think your writing needs to be focused more on the place itself.

    3. Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List two sensory details that you especially liked.
    I think you used different sorts of senses pretty well. What I loved were:
    "The sunshine was so gleaming and the trees were blowing in the wind. "
    "Our auditory sense was paralyzed for a moment when we heard her voice."

    4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere of this place?
    It's quiet and calm.

    5. Why do you think the writer chose to write about this place?
    I think she chose her classroom because she has an unforgettable memory on it, whether it's good or bad.

    6. How could the writer improve this essay when he or she revises? Make only one suggestion.
    As I said above, consider the focus of your writing. Your writing seems to be focused more on the memory of your school days. It's interesting, but since this essay should be related to a specific place, I think it's better to add some details about the place.