Saturday, October 5, 2013

Ha Eun Park/ 201001433/ Tue Wk 5 First Draft

Monster ,Snuggly Bear, and Advisor


Someone in my life who is very dear to me but very eccentric at the same time is my sister. She can be absolutely absurd at times and be the sweetest person in the world. The very first memory that I have of her starts out at a hospital. Few moments after my sister's birth my parents showed me a tiny person wrapped in cloth. That was my very first encounter with my sister. My sister who has been in my life from that moment has some characteristics that are interesting.


Every time I see her eat, I am surprise by the fact how much she can eat. For such a small person I do not know how she manages to find space inside her to stuff all the food inside her. When she was in high school she would run back home and the very first thing she would do is, even before washing her hands or going to her room, she would run to the kitchen to check the refrigerator. If she finds something that she likes, she just takes a spoon and devours it. It is never a chopstick or any other tool. At times like this I am in awe and I have to remember that she is not a chimpanzee but a human.


One of the things that I love about her is that whenever she is in a good mood she tries to snuggle with me. Out of the blue she comes into my room and sits next to me, and she looks and me and asks me to hug her. Although, it can be cute sometimes when I am busy I find it annoying sometimes. However, I know that often this is how she tries to show her affection. Barging in my room and demanding that I hug or snuggle with her.


Tiny and little things that she does in life give me wisdom. Although a girl who loves to eat is what I see most of the time when I look at her, but that changes time to time. When I make little mistakes and upset her, she is very generous and she overlooks them unlike me. It is in those times that I realize that she has a big and warm heart. She helps me to acknowledge what is more important in life. I think I get easily get upset over tiny things, but my sister tries to understand the other person.


Without a doubt one of the most important people in my life is my sister. She has been a huge part of my life. She has been a long companion who watched me go through all the good and the bad in my life. I am more than grateful to have her in my life. Although she sometimes is a pain in the bottom, but I still love her and care about her a lot. 


  1. 201001081/Rho ryun/ peer comment

    1. What do you like about this essay?

    This essay tells about sister. Family member is the best one to describe because we know them very much. Also it has a good development in that it started with the episode that shows her kind of funny characteristics but ends up with a precious being.

    2. What one word would you choose to describe the character? What specific information in the draft caused you to choose this word?

    I will choose 'glutton'. Sorry to choose this word, but the first half of this essay focused on how much she eats, and that was quite impressive.

    3. List any places where you do not understand the writer’s meaning.

    Overall, I think it had a nice development and good word choice.

    4. What do you notice about the organization of the essay? For example, is the number of paragraphs appropriate? How could the writer improve the organization of the essay?

    This essay is a 5 paragraph long, so the number of the paragraphs is perfect to deveop the story with the simple and clear conclusion. It could be better if the short episode or the real dialoge was included.

    5. What would you like to know more about?

    As said above, I want to know about some episodes or dialogues to show her characteristics.

    6. Who do you think would be interested in reading this essay?

    I think the person who hasn't seen their family for a long time would be interested in this essay.

  2. Oh, sorry about the wrong name. I am just Yoo Hongsang.
    Sorry to Rho ryun, too. Actually I copied the format, so it was completely a mistake. Again, I apologize for the mistake. But, the contents of the answer are of course different.

  3. From Saewhan to Ha Eun Park

    1. Write one sentence to sum up what this person like?

    Her sister has a funny characteristic.

    2. List three details from the essay that support your sentence in step 1.

    "Every time I see her eat, I am surprise by the fact how much she can eat."
    "whenever she is in a good mood she tries to snuggle with me."
    "she looks and me and asks me to hug her."

    a) What the person looks like
    b) What the person says
    "asks me to hug her."
    c) What the person does
    to "snuggle"
    d) What other people say about the person

    4. Were there any things in this essay that you did not understand? If so, what were they?

    5. Why do you think the writer chose to describe this particular person?

    The writer didn't use a lot of describtive words and expressions.

    6. Write one or two questions about the person described in this essay that you would like the writer to answer in the next draft.
    How does she look like?