Sunday, September 22, 2013

Huyoung Lee/Essay Assignment 1st draft/Tuesday 11 a.m.

Nightmare

201102861 Huyoung Lee

3 a.m. Still can't get to sleep. How many hours have passed since I lay on my bed? No, that's not important. Just close your eyes and think nothing. Relax, take a deep breath. Okay, now I'm ready to have a sweet dream.

But I couldn't have any one piece of the sweet dream. My eyes were closing, and everybody would see me on the bed and think I was having a fancy dream. But the truth was: I was only pretending to sleep to deceive myself, to drag my feet into the world of deep and peaceful slumber, and was never sleepy at all.

             How many sleepless days? No, it would be proper to say how many weeks, or even months. It started on mid-June, probably, with the symptom of waking up in the middle of the night. I didn't think it was serious problem then. I could get to sleep, so well that I almost fell down on my bed tired from everyday life. Although I often opened my eyes and escaped from the deep night slumber, that was mostly for the bathroom and I went back into the sweet dream I had had, without any problems at all.

             However, it started to become uncomfortable as, little by little, it was frequently happening and most importantly, I wasn't able to go back to the peaceful slumber again after a sudden night wake-up. That was irritating because I was supposed to wake up early in the morning and go to school. But that was not very serious and I could manage to maintain daily lives somehow and more importantly, there were a lot of things to care, which made me stop thinking about the problem.

             Busy semester ended and vacation came. I was supposed to enjoy this wonderful period, but I couldn't: the real insomnia started. At first, it took me an hour or less to fall asleep but as time goes by, that expanded to a few hours. That meant I had to patiently lie on the bed from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., struggling to hold at least one little piece of the dream. But Morpheus-how merciless he is!-never appeared in my bedroom, just as he was enjoying my night struggles outside the monitor, sitting on his couch with some popcorn and coke. Then I would finally give up sleeping and helplessly turn the light on, and sit on the bed absentmindedly with a sense of defeat. Only in the morning I would fall asleep from the fatigue of nightlong nervousness and go deep into the dreams that were as complicated as my messed-up mind.

             That made a vicious cycle. Taking a nap-although it was the only sleeping time to me-made me even harder to sleep at night. It needed some change. I chose not to sleep at all. But it was not easy. I couldn't do anything because of the tiredness and usually I would just fall asleep before the intended bedtime. So I changed the plan. I slept for only two or three hours and made myself tired by going around with my friend all day long. When I came home in the evening, I was totally exhausted and felt like lying down. On the bed, I expected to have a deep slumber and closed my eyes. How much times have passed? I was still awakened. I just didn't understand. I was tired, obviously worn out, but wasn't sleepy at all. Is it possible? I was so upset and helpless that I cry out loud like a baby. There was nothing I could do and that night was just as same as the nights before.

             I never knew that insomnia was so serious. I even wished I had insomnia because I used to sleep so much. Now I know how stupid thought it is. It's another kind of nightmare. It could nearly ruin your whole life. Although I tried to remove the insomnia, it's still going on. It just doesn't appear every night, but some nights especially when I'm worried about something so much. I try not to worry and get stressed out, but it's not so easy for some reasons: daily lives, people, relationship, my own sensitive characteristic, future plans and anything that's bothering me. It's impossible to escape from all that things or change your mind at once. I think I'm on the process of learning how to control myself, so that I would not suffer from insomnia again.

6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. I really enjoyed your essay. What I liked about your essay was that your topic was so interesting and your description was so vivid that I could imagine the scene.
    Your main point seems to be suffuring from the insomnia. This is my suggestion. How about describing one night which you couldn't sleep due to insomnia? Since this writing assignment is writing specific experience which you can't forget, it will be better if you describe one specific night, not whole experience.

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  3. Nightmare - Final Draft

    201102861 Huyoung Lee

    3 a.m. Still can’t get to sleep. How many hours have passed since I lay on my bed? No, that’s not important. Just close your eyes and think nothing. Relax, take a deep breath. Okay, now I’m ready to have a sweet dream.
    But I couldn’t have any one piece of the sweet dream. My eyes were closing, and everybody would see me on the bed and think I was having a fancy dream. But the truth was: I was only pretending to sleep to deceive myself, to drag my feet into the world of deep and peaceful slumber. I was never sleepy at all.
    How many sleepless nights? No, it would be proper to say how many weeks, or even months. It started on mid-June, probably, with the symptom of waking up in the middle of the night. I didn’t think it was serious problem then. I get to sleep, so well that I almost fell down on my bed tired from everyday life. Although I often opened my eyes and escaped from the deep night slumber, that was mostly for the bathroom and I went back into the sweet dream I had had, without any problems at all.
    However, it started to become uncomfortable as, little by little, it was frequently happening just like a child starts to grab more candies from the hidden candy jar. What’s worse, I wasn’t able to go back to the peaceful slumber again after a sudden night wake-up. That was quite irritating because I was supposed to wake up early in the morning to go to school. But the symptom was not very serious then. I could somehow manage to maintain daily lives and more importantly, had a lot of things to care, which made me bother less about the problem.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Busy semester ended and vacation came. I was supposed to enjoy this wonderful successive holidays, but I didn’t: the real insomnia started. At first, it took me an hour or less to fall asleep but as time goes by, that expanded to a few hours. That meant I had to patiently lie on the bed from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., struggling to hold at least one little piece of a sweet dream. But Morpheus-how merciless he is!-never appeared in my bedroom, just as he was enjoying my night struggles outside the monitor, sitting on his couch with some popcorn and coke. Finally, I would give up sleeping and helplessly turn the light on, and sit on the bed absentmindedly with a sense of defeat. Only in the morning would I fall asleep from the fatigue of nightlong nervousness and go deep into the dreams that were as complicated as my messed-up mind.
    It was a vicious cycle. Taking a nap-although it was the only sleeping time to me-made me even harder to sleep at night. Fed up with just lying on the bed quietly, I would nervously turn the light on and started to do something: reading or internet surfing, to at least ease my mind. Day and night were totally upside-down. ‘Is this a normal life?’ I thought. It seemed there need to be some change. I chose not to sleep at all. However, things didn’t work out as I expected. I couldn’t do anything during daytime because of the tiredness and usually would just fall asleep before the intended bedtime. So I changed the plan. I slept for only two or three hours and made myself tired by going around with my friend all day long. When I came home in the evening, I was totally exhausted and felt like lying down. On the bed, I slowly closed my eyes expecting to have a deep night slumber. ‘Good night.’ The true night was finally coming to me, I thought.
    How much time has passed? I was still awakened. I just didn’t understand. I was tired, obviously worn out, but wasn’t sleepy at all. ‘Is it ever possible?’ I was so upset and helpless that I cry out loud like a prince who, after a long perilous journey, has found an empty space instead of a castle where his beloved princess is waiting for him. There was nothing I could do and that night was just as same as the nights before.

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  5. It became more and more distressing that I had trouble maintaining daily lives. Because I didn’t have a normal life cycle, I was always tired. I get easily stressed out and the extreme stress caused other problems such as indigestion, headache, skin problems, nervousness and depression. I should have reduced the stress, but how is it possible to ease your mind when you’re having messed-up life? I told my mother how serious my insomnia was, and anxiously she answered, “Honey, I think you’re worried about anything way too much. Maybe that’s why you’re having this problem.” That was true. From childhood, I was very sensitive and easily got nervous when I had some problems. It was also true that I was surrounded by so many worries: daily lives, relationships, study, credit, health, future plans and so on. My head was flooded with them that I got so stressed out. However, I never tried to do anything about it because I thought everybody has those problems. And the accumulated stress finally burst into insomnia.
    I never knew that insomnia was so serious disease. I even wished I had insomnia because I used to sleep so much. Now I know how horrible and painful it is, and think ‘How stupid I was!’ It’s another kind of nightmare. It gives you distressing nights and awakens you from sweet dreams. It could nearly ruin your whole life. Although I tried to get rid of the insomnia, it’s still going on. It just doesn’t appear every night, but some nights when I’m especially nervous or worried about something so much. I try not to worry and get stressed out, but it’s not so easy as long as I live in the world and have to deal with the society. Just like everybody else, I have my own problems and worries. It’s impossible to escape from all the things bothering you or change your mind at once. However, I think gradual change might work. Now I’m on the process of learning how to control myself, to completely defeat the nightmare which still visits me sometimes.

    ReplyDelete