201003224 Jeong Hae Jung
The last day of the year is always full of joy. 31st of December is like a day for celebration for coming year. When I watch TV, there is happiness in the air around the world and I can feel it. It even seems like firework and drink can't be separated away from the day. It is no exception for me.
In 2010, I was a freshman in HUFS. It was my first undergraduate year. There was one thing I really
wanted to do with my friends. It was to spend the last day of 2010 at the Korean belfry. In korea, there is a so meaningful event in the last day of year. It is to hear the bell-ringing. Most of the people watch television
for this, hearing and well-wishing.
So my so close friends since high school and I went to the belfry station at night on the last day of 2010.
There were already unimaginably many people around the belfry. Some concert was going on. It put me
in trouble to describe even now what it was like to be there. Just so much fun and full of hope was the
only thing I can tell.
Then, the last few seconds of 2010 were finally left. The year of 2011 was just around the corner. People
there loudly counted down the last ten seconds and then the bell rang. The year of 2010 was over and
the new year came. When the "happy-new-year" moment came, fireworks were firing over the sky. They were so terrific. It was like the world is a joyful ball. In the wide streets and intersections, instead of cars and buses, walking were the people.
My friends and I went around the downtown of Seoul for a pleasure, taking pictures, with chats. The next
thing we planned was "forget about everything and just drink" time. But there was problem. The thing was
the pubs were already crowded with people. We just managed to have a sit after going around 3 or 4
another pubs. Drinking and game was so exciting and time-flying. Karaoke was the last but not least thing to do and we just slept there after singing.
I still remember the last day of 2010 so vividly. There is also one thing I want to do this year. As I and the
friends get older, it's hard to hang out together for military and military stuff. Two year passed in a row. But
this year is different. We are making a plan for this year to go to the belfry like 2010. What a fun. My face
reveals a big smile for just thinking about it!
To Jeong Hae Joon / From Rho Ryun
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your vivid expressions. I could feel your excitement.
2. Your main point seems to be the new-year party you had with your best friends.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
(The last day of the year is always full of joy) I like them because I think it is nice hook.
(Just so much fun and full of hope) I like them because your writing is lively.
(My face reveals a big smile for just thinking about it!) I like them because I could feel your excitement.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, and writing not lively):
(Firework and drink) Need improving because (the meaning is not clear)
(It is no exception for me) Need improving because (the meaning is not clear).
(So my so close friends) Need improving because (the meaning is not clear).
(Walking were the people) Need improving because (the meaning is not clear)
(It’s hard to hang out together for military and military stuff) Need improving because (the meaning is not clear)
(What a fun) Need improving because (I think there are many sentences which can describe that moment more efficiently)
(Belfry) Need improving because (I think it is better if it is “Jong gak” or something)
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to separate your paragraph more strategically.
To Jeong Hae Joong From Kang Dabida
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you made your writing easily readable.
2. Your main point seems to be one of the best days in one year.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
I like ‘around the corner’ because it was an idiom I rarely had chance to use. So it really popped up in my mind.
This expression ‘When the "happy-new-year" moment came’ had me pictured the situation instead of saying ‘everybody said ‘happy new year’ to each other. Similarly, ‘forget about everything and just drink time’ was a good one too.
.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me.
‘It even seems like firework and drink can't be separated away from the day. It is no exception for me.’ These two sentences sounded like ‘not separating firework and drink is no exception for you’. It might be better to say ‘it is no exception for me to enjoy both.’ or something like that.
And ‘My face reveals a big smile’ might need improvement. It seems to me the words ‘reveal’ and ‘the big smile’ don’t really match. Because revealing something is almost showing something you do not mean to or want to. I am not really sure about it though XD.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to describe the atmosphere or people more by using many adjectives that bring the emotion as if we’re seeing the moment of your writing. And one more- to be able to deal with the formatting thing as the person above me mentioned.
Here is my final draft of this topic. 201003224 Jeong Hae Jung
ReplyDeleteTitle: Waiting for it.
Waiting for what? I think most people have something for waiting to have or happen and sometimes their hearts go pit-a-pat. Something they want also could be very diverse like from Santa Claus to a small sweet candy. But, what I am so waiting for is the last day of the year which is always full of joy and hope. 31st of December seems like a day for celebration for the coming year. When I watch TV on the day, happiness is hanging in the air and every face says it. Firework and drink are also one part of the day. Especially, there is something traditional and unique in Korea, which everybody waits for. I am one of them.
In 2010, I just became an undergraduate. As kind of a mark for being an adult, there was one thing I really wanted to do with my friends. It was to spend the last day of 2010 at the Korean belfry. There is a Korean traditional bell and sort of its small palace named Bo Sin Gak in the middle of the wide spreading streets around the belfry station. Why did I want to go there on the day? The reason is that my country has a meaningful event there, which is held on the last day of year. The event is to hear the bell-ringing. If you come to Korea, you can probably notice people watching TV for the hearing and making a well-wish for the next year.
So my so close friends since high school and I decided to go to the belfry station at night on the last day of 2010. When we got there, one thing we noticed was that we were just surrounded with so countless many people. I even had to say that walking with my own two legs was difficult since too crowded to move. I was like I was in the middle of a surfing made of people. At the belfry, some concert was going on and it was quite interesting. So many people and buzzing were one side of Seoul of the day, which was already expected.
Then, the moment of the last few seconds of 2010 came soon. The year of 2011 was just around the corner. People began loudly counting down the last ten seconds in one voice and then the bell was just hit and rang. It resonated deeply in the air, evenly rippling around the area. Finally, the new year came! When the “happy-new-year” moment came to us, fireworks were firing over the sky. Red, yellow, green, rainbow colors displayed the sky of Seoul at late night. Other singer after singer on the stage kept singing and dancing. Everything was so terrific. It was like Seoul was in a big joyful party. In the wide streets and intersections, instead of cars and buses, walking were the people. It looked like every citizen of Seoul was there.
After watching the fireworks, my friends and I went around for a pleasure. We took pictures, bought some snacks and chatted. The next thing we planned was “forget about everything and just drink” time. But there was an unexpected problem. It was that the pubs were already crowded. We just managed to have a sit after going around 3 or 4 another pubs. Drinking game was so exciting and time-flying. “Cheers!” Glass-Clinking kept going on for a few times. Karaoke was the last but not least thing to do. There we sometimes giggled, laughed out loud, and hopped. We sometimes even did something silly. And then, we just slept there after singing.
I still remember the last day of 2010 like it is happening before my eyes. There is also one thing I want to do this year. As I and the friends get older, it’s hard to hang out together for school and military stuff. Two year passed in a row. But this year will be different. We are making a plan for this year to go to the belfry like 2010. What a fun! My face reveals a big smile for just thinking about it. I cannot wait for it!