First Experience of Living Apart from My Family.
I entered a boarding school when I became 17 years old and my dormitory life had started since then. Since it was obligatory for all students to live in dormitory in my high school, every student, even who had lived right next to the high school, should have lived in the dormitory.
At the start, I think I was so excited and I felt free of living alone without my family. Because, from the time I applied for that high school which provides a boarding school system, it was my desire to experience living by myself, so I was very much pleased to be accepted to enter the high school and stay in the dormitory. Besides, all the high schools in my region were in the distance from my house and I thought that if I entered one of those high schools, there would be more possibility of being late to school.
I think it was like what I had imagined for the first few weeks. I lived with my friends who I didn't know before the lottery for choosing a room. And through this, I could know more friends from other classes. But at the same time, it made me so hard to adapt to the environment of a new room and new roommates at first. Different from middle school, in which I could make friends with whom I want to get along, there, I had to try to become close with everyone in the room and her friends , though I didn't like that friend or we didn't fit together. This was one of the hard things I experienced first in the boarding school.
After the period of enjoying time alone and getting along with new friends in high school, many bad parts of living in dormitory began to show up. First of all, I missed the free time in my private place after classes. I realized that I could feel more freedom when I am in my house with my family than being with my friends in the dormitory. Seriously, I missed the time having with my family, outside of the school and doing what I want without restrictions of school rules.
As time went by, the stuffy feeling had faded and I really began to adapt to my dormitory life. Although I couldn't meet my family and my old friends as much as I could before, I could get along with and depend on my new friends in high school. So that I made friendship which I think will go forever and we shared our worries and joys for 3 years.
I believe, through my experience of being alone apart from my family and my familiar place, I could learn many things I couldn't learned if I didn't enter the boarding school and one thing I learned is that every new thing that comes along is hard to accept first time, but we can adapt to it and make us enjoy this change after all.
To Hyunju from Haeun
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that I could relate with the writer. Also, I know how exciting being away from your parents can be.
2. Your main point seems to be well delivered. I think you described well that your friendship with your friends in high school is special.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful
"As time went by, the stuffy feeling had faded and I really began to adapt to my dormitory life."
I think could understand how the writer felt and that's why it stuck out to me.
"I could learn many things I couldn't learned if I didn't enter the boarding school"
This showed me that you learned a lot through your high school days and why this experience is particularly important to you.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear,supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively)
"many bad parts of living in dormitory began to show up."
When you said that there were "many bad parts" I thought that there was going to be a lot of them you only said "first of all" and moved on to "seriously" so I thought that you should list them in more arranged fashion.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is,
Overall, I thought the sentence structure was too long. Especially the last paragraph, the entire paragraph was one sentence. So, I think that's too long. There should be some breaks in a paragraph.
To Hyun-ju from Jieun
ReplyDelete1. What I liked about this piece of writing is that I could imagine what would happen if I live alone, since I've never lived alone up until now.
2. Your main point seems to be your thoughts and experiences about living alone in your highschool days.
3. "As time went by, the stuffy feeling had faded" this line struck me as powerful because I liked the use of "faded" in this line. I think it clearly illustrates that you were adapted slowly to your new environment.
4. I thought some sentences were slightly long for me to follow. Maybe you could separate some of the long sentences.
e.what would you like to know more about when th writer revises?
ReplyDeleteif you put more detail explaination about the regional names, it is much better to understand your situdations. And in your essay, there are huge repetitions of word. So you should change the words to another expressions. Thank you~!
To Park Hyun-ju From Kim Kap Whan / Assignment for Oct 1th
ReplyDelete1. What was one detail that made this experience seem real to you?
→ I think it was like what I had imagined for the first few weeks. But at the same time, it made me so hard to adapt to the environment of a new room and new roommates at first.
Sometimes, life is not the same as we might expect. The writer described her real feeling about her past experience.
2. Were there any places were you got confused? No
3. Reread the first paragraph of the essay. Do you think this is a good beginning? Does it make you feel like reading on? Explain.
→ I entered a boarding school when I became 17 years old and my dormitory life had started since then. Since it was obligatory for all students to live in dormitory in my high school, every student, even who had lived right next to the high school, should have lived in the dormitory.
Because the beginning seems to suggest that something interesting and absorbing is likely to happen.
4. What basic verb tense does the writer use? past tense
If the writer changes tense, is the tense change appropriate? No
5. What would you like to know more about when the write revises?
Which part of the writing would she be interested in.
Essay Assignment Final Draft
ReplyDelete201001450 Park Hyun-ju
Intermediate English Writing (Week5)
I entered a boarding school in Dongduchun city which is about 40 minutes away from my district by subway when I became 17 years old and my dormitory life had started since then. Since it was obligatory for all students to live in dormitory in my high school, every student, even who had lived right next to the high school, should have lived in the dormitory.
I think what I felt before entering the high school was quite opposite from my thought later on. At first, I was so excited and I felt free of the fact that I could be living alone without my family. Because, from the time I applied for that high school which provides a boarding school system, it was my desire to experience living by myself, so I was very much pleased to be accepted to enter the high school and stay in the dormitory. At that time, I had no idea how it would be more difficult to live with peers than living with my family.
I think it was like what I had imagined to some extent except one thing that I lived with my friends who I didn’t know by the lottery. Since I didn’t like awkward air between roommates when we first met, I think I found myself trying so hard to adapt to the environment of a new room and new roommates. And we might see ourselves being rounded with totally different people who they couldn’t choose whom to get along with. This was the first and hardest thing in boarding school for me.
For this reason, I had severe longing for the old days that time. I think, among students from dormitory, some students might have undergone this situation at their first time and , like me, most of the students might have had the feeling of loneliness without family and their close friends as well.
On our birthdays, it was doubly fatal our longing for outside of high school and family. And my friends and I started to celebrate ourselves one another like a family on that day. I think it gave us satisfactory to see friend happy on her birthday. And without exception, my birthdays were also finally come up.
” Hey, I have something to tell you. Come out and follow me,” One of my friends would have said to me like this.
And we got up together near a supermarket and had a small party together. It would sound strange but this kind of our mere ritual helped us opening our mind to others by understanding how it was lucky to live with friends as well as to live with real family and acknowledging charms of dormitory life.
As time went by and we got close more and more with these trivial but precious memories, the stuffy feeling had faded. I really began to enjoy getting along with friends of high school and depending on my new friends there. I think thanks to these 3 years in high school, I did make friendship which I think will go forever as we shared our worries and joys for 3 years.