Monday, September 30, 2013

kimjungwon/first draft/thuesday 11am

Dept. of EIT
Kim Jungwon
   A tragedy to me is, sometimes, a comedy to others. I awakened it when I was eight. It seems too young for eight-year-old boy to become aware of it. But what if something terrible had happened to me? Yes, something awkward arose. It was the first day and may be the last day, I hope so but not sure, that I defecated on my pants.
   I was born in the country surrounded by mountains. So I used to play with peers in the mountains or at the riverside. Nature nurtured my mind and spirit. I always appreciate it even though she didn't teach me math or English. As I turned 8, I entered elementary school around 2km away from my home.
On the way to school, there were two bridges made of wood. They were very narrow so only one man can cross at a time.
It was winter. Definitely I remember when my evacuation on the bridge happened because I wore the thermal long underwear at then. My elder brother, he was four years older than me, and I were on the way to school. We crossed the first wooden bridge without any problem. Everything seemed normal. And it didn't seem that something went wrong. But I felt my stomach rumbling and tumbling when my brother's friends appeared before the second log bridge. Intuitively, I thought I should cross the bridge before them. But I couldn't. My brother and his peers pushed me away so I had no choice but to be the last to cross the bridge. All of a sudden, everything changed. Everything seemed abnormal. We started crossing the bridge in single file with my brother the first and me the last.
That's the very moment the tragedy started. I clenched my fist and great beads of sweat stood on my forehead and my hip's muscles began to stiffen. I shouted at my brother.
"Hey, yo, brother, hurry up, move, move. I feel I should do number two."
But it was a mistake. He stopped moving and slowly turned back.
"Hey, what did you say? I can't hear you."
"I have to take a shit."
"Oh, shit, Ok, don't worry"
And then, he ordered his friends.
"Buddies, let's sing and dance on the bridge."
That's the very moment the comedy began. I couldn't stand my evacuation any more. My face turned red and something hot dropped on my pants. Finally, I defecated on my pants. My face was getting redder and I began to walk like a penguin. One teardrop was springing up and dangling on my eyes when others were laughing at me. Their laughter, definitely it was a kind of ridicule, spread over the winter river. The more they laughed, the more I cried. At the very moment, I realized that a tragedy to me could be a comedy to others.
   Truth to be told, I don't like to tell this shameful story. There is, however, what I want to say through my story. In fine, Life is a story or a drama blended of a tragedy and a comedy. So you can cry down at times and laugh up at times. But never stop living your life because life is a tragicomedy that is directed by not others but you.

1 comment:

  1. 1. What was one detail that made this experience real to you?

    Specific descriptions about the situation with lots of quotations made this experience very real to me.

    2. Were there any places where you got confused?

    "My brother and his peers pushed me away so I had no choice but to be the last to cross the bridge. All of a sudden, everything changed. Everything seemed abnormal.
    I think more explanations about why everything suddenly looked strange and abnormal would help readers understand the situation better.

    3. Reread the first paragraph of the essay. Do you think it is a food beginning?

    It's a good beggining, since I felt like reading more and made me curious about how this story would end.

    4.What basic verb tense did the writer use? If the writer changes the tense, is the tense change appropriate?

    The basic tense of this essay is past tense, but then he also used present tense in the quotations, which is appropriate.

    5. What would you like to know more about when the writer revises?

    I'd like to know how this memory affects you today.