Have you ever been to an unknown place, and an unfamiliar environment? One of my experiences that have been memorable happened in a remote, unfamiliar, and strange place. During my second semester of sophomore, I was searching for what I wanted to do. While I was searching, I realized that college is the time that you try various things. So, I decided to apply for an internship for the experience. The internship required me to go abroad and work at a different environment. I was more excited than scared of all the challenges that I will face.
I was assigned to Chicago intergovernmental agency in United States. I was really happy and excited at the same time because I had never been to Chicago. Also, I had never work for a corporation or had a full time job so, I was thankful that as a student I got an opportunity to experience all these things in a new environment. The entire process of getting ready to leave was exciting and when I arrived my heart skipped a beat. Chicago is a city that is very cold and at the same time very clean, and the night view of the city is absolutely breathtaking and I was completely overwhelmed by it.
However, after several weeks, I got home-sick, and the work load was too much for an intern who had no experience. I had to work late almost four days a week and business relationships were suffocating me. Since I had no family and no close friends in Chicago, I felt lonely often. Moreover, it was legal in United States to carry guns and constantly feeling unsafe didn't help with all the frustration that I was going through.
When I was going through all of these struggles, the team that I worked with helped me a lot. Sine I have only had personal relationships with people, it was really difficult for me to get use to business relationships. Also, being in a new environment and not having my family or my best friends to turn to made it harder for me. That's why I'm still grateful for my team members. Because of them, I was able to get through everything and feel truly accepted.
So since my internship, in my heart Chicago became a place that I can call a home. It is the place where I felt most frustrated and at the same time overwhelmed by warmth and kindness as well. I think applying for that internship was one of the best things that I did in my life because I grew and learned so much. I think this experience will stay with me forever.
To_ Ha-eun Park_
ReplyDeleteFrom_201001450_Hyun-ju Park_
Assignment _Week3_ Essay.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is ....
The topic was interesting to me. This essay is about homesick and loneliness which people generally go through when they are alone apart from their familiar environment. Because of this, I could almost entirely understand how writer felt about the experience in the essay.
2. Your main point seems to be ....
Memorable experience you have gone through in Chicago and how this city turned out to be a special city to you rather than a horrible city which made you feel lonely at first.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:Words or lines I like them because ...
1. Have you ever been to an unknown place, and an unfamiliar environment? _
Reason
-This sentence caught my attention and made me keep reading to the next sentence.
2. Chicago is a city that is very cold and at the same time very clean, and the night view of the city is absolutely breathtaking and I was completely overwhelmed by it.
Reason
-I liked the line you described of Chicago city itself and your impression of the city. This is personal impression of writer that she felt about the city when she arrived to the city.And it was interesting how her first impression has changed after.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear,
supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):Lines or parts Need improving because ________________
1. One of my experiences that have been memorable happened in a remote, unfamiliar, and strange place. During my second semester of sophomore, I was searching for what I wanted to do.
Reason
-I think this line has a problem on the order. After you referred to the fact that you have an experience that made you have a memorable experience, without any connecter of these two sentences which can make the link between two sentences more natural, this line is just followed after. And it made me a bit confused while I was reading.
2. So since my internship, in my heart Chicago became a place that I can call a home.
Reason
-You have mentioned some reasons about how it was for you to live in the unfamiliar city and how you’re your coworkers were, but it wasn’t clear for me because still I felt like the essay had weak reason for that sentence.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to ….
add quotations to make the essay look more interesting and try to give shape more to the reasons for reaching a conclusion.
Peer Feedback Sheet
ReplyDeleteTo Ha Eun Park
From Chae Ji Young
Assignment week3.
What I like about this piece of writing is the fact that I could feel the writer's emotion easily. While reading, I could feel how hard it was for the writer to go through all those things._.
2. Your main point seems to be the experience you had in Chicago and how it became your meaningful place.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
the night view of the city is absolutely breathtaking and I was completely overwhelmed by it.
Words or lines I like them because it made me feel how beautiful it really was.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear,supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
and the work load was too much for an intern who had no experience.
Lines or parts Need improving because
As a reader, I was wondering what made you so hard while working or what kind of work you did. If you had mentioned it, I would have felt the same way you did.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to use more vivid expressions.
“Wonder bar” that saved the day
ReplyDeleteAs a college student I wanted to experience the world, so during my sophomore year I applied to KOTRA as an intern. Luckily, I got the job and I flew to Chicago to start my intern. Although there are a lot of memorable and exciting events that happened during my time as an intern, this particular memory is the one that I remember most vividly, which l never forget for the rest of my life.
One day, after dinner my friend Shawn and I went to the gas station. While the gas was filling up the car, my friend told me that he was going to the bathroom. As I was waiting in the car, I realized that I also wanted to go to the bathroom. Since I didn’t want anything to be stolen, I got up and made sure that the car was all locked up. After taking a few steps to go to the bathroom, I felt something was missing. I tried to feel a bump in my back pocket and my front pocket area but I didn’t feel anything. That is when I realized I didn’t have the keys with me. I had locked my friend out of his car. I ran to Shawn to tell him what I had done. I was completely embarrassed and ashamed because I felt so stupid. Although it was an upsetting situation, he kindly said to me, that it was going to be okay, and that we will figure this out.
There was a policeman at the gas station sipping coffee. So, we decided to ask him to help us. Shawn walked up to the officer and told him about our situation. He told us that he’s partner had a flat thin metal stick that may help with our situation. After what seemed like eternity passed by, another police car pulled up to the station.
“Finally, we are saved.” I said.
“I told you that everything was going to be alright.” Shawn said in a calming voice.
The policeman asked us how it happened and where the car was. It seemed as if everything was going to be fine. We all walked up to the car and watched him put the stick in a crack between the window and the door. He tried moving the right and left with some force. However, Shawn’s car didn’t open. After few minutes policeman saw the tiny sign on Shawn’s window that said ‘anti-theft’.
So, the two policemen started to discussing and trying to figure out what to do. All I could do was to stare at them with desperation. Finally, they decided to call another policeman who had what is called the “wonder bar”. After couple of minutes he came. He laid down all of his gadgets and picked one out of the pile and started to go at it with the stick. I was hopeful until fifteen minute passed by. Frustration started to creep into my heart. It was not my car, and I couldn’t believe how much trouble I have caused. I started to see Shawn getting worried too. Although he was telling me that it is okay, I saw the frustration in his eyes. However, after forty five minutes of praying and desiring for the car to be opened, we saw the door being opened. It was a miracle. I was so relieved and thankful to the police officers who helped. They warned us to be careful next time and took off. I was shaking a little from all the emotional surges that happen within short period of time. So, to this day this memory serves as a reminder that I should never leave the keys inside a car.
Ha Eun Park, Final Draft
ReplyDelete“Wonder bar” that Saved the Day
As a college student I wanted to experience the world, so during my sophomore year I applied to KOTRA as an intern. Luckily, I got the job and I flew to Chicago to start my internship. Although there were a lot of memorable and exciting events that happened during my time as an intern, this particular memory is the one that I remember most vividly, which I will never forget for the rest of my life.
One day, after dinner my friend Shawn and I went to the gas station. While the gas was filling up the car, my friend told me that he was going to the bathroom. As I was waiting in the car, I realized that I also wanted to go to the bathroom. Since I didn’t want anything to be stolen, I got up and made sure that the car was all locked up. After taking a few steps towards the bathroom, I felt something was missing. I tried to feel a bump in my back and front pocket area but I didn’t feel anything. That is when I realized I didn’t have the keys with me. I had locked my friend out of his car. I ran to Shawn to tell him what I had done. I was completely embarrassed and ashamed. Although it was an upsetting situation for Shawn, he kindly said to me, that it was going to be okay, and that we will figure this out.
There was a policeman at the gas station sipping coffee. So, we decided to ask him to help us. Shawn walked up to the officer and told him about our situation. He told us that he’s partner had a flat thin metal stick that may help with our situation. After what seemed like eternity passed by, another police car pulled up to the gas station.
“Finally, we are saved.” I said.
“I told you that everything was going to be alright.” Shawn said in a calming voice.
The policeman asked us how it happened and where the car was. It seemed as if everything was going to be fine. We all walked up to the car and watched him put the stick in a crack between the window and the door. He tried moving the metal stick right and left with some force. However, Shawn’s car didn’t open. After few minutes policeman saw the tiny sign on Shawn’s window that said ‘anti-theft’. He told us that it was impossible for his stick to open the locked door.
So, the two policemen started discussing with each other and tried to figure out what to do. All I could do was to stare at them with desperation. Finally, they decided to call another policeman who had what is called the “wonder bar”. After couple of minutes he came. He laid down all of his gadgets and picked one out of the pile and started to go at it with the stick. I was hopeful until fifteen minute passed by. Frustration started to creep into my heart. It was not my car, and I couldn’t believe how much trouble I have caused. I started to see Shawn getting worried too. Although he was telling me that it is okay, I saw the frustration in his eyes. However, after forty five minutes of praying and desiring for the car to be opened, we saw the door being opened. It was a miracle. I was so relieved and thankful to the police officers who helped. They warned us to be careful next time and took off. I was shaking a little from all the emotional surges that happen within short period of time. So, to this day this memory serves as a reminder that I should never leave the keys inside a car.