Saturday, September 21, 2013

Changhee Lee

200702680 Changhee Lee

In 2003, I was sixteen years old and I was living with my family. My mother and sister and I went to downtown to buy grocery for dinner on Sunday. At that my sister was only 4 years old. My mother started to talk with the street vendor and told me that you should keep your eye on sister. At first, I was holding my sister's hand and I kept my eye on her. However few minutes later, I found new game console and my attention got distracted. I forgot I had to take care of my sister and I lost her in the middle of downtown.

As soon as I knew that I lost my sister, I called out my mother and told her that I lost sister. We were so shocked that we didn't know what we have to. My mother told me that I am going to go to police station and you should keep looking for your sister here. My mother dashed to police station and I kept casting around for sister. Since I thought that I lost my sister, I started crying. I kept running and running. However I couldn't find my sister. A few minutes later, my mother found my sister in front of the police station building. One middle aged woman found my sister crying alone and she took her to the police station so my mother found them at the police station.

After I met my sister again, I told her I'm sorry and I love you. I can't forget that experience since it was too clear. Thanks to the experience, I got to know how I love my sister and my family. This is the story of the day I lost my sister.

 

4 comments:

  1. From Hae Joong
    what i like about this piece of writing is that it is short but easy to read and "cut-and-dry."
    i think the improvement you can make is that i would also like to add a comment that talking more about what you felt when you found your sister again at the last paragraph could this writing more interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Peer Feedback Sheet
    1. What I like about this piece of writing is your topic. Your essay gives me a deep impression. I’m very moved by story related to your sister.
    2. Your main point seems to be
    You lost your sister and finally you found your sister. The story gave you a bunch of embarrassment..
    3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:Words or lines I like them because
    3.1.We were so shocked that we didn't know what we have to. : I can feel your feeling at that time from this sentence.
    3.2.the street vendor : I can imagine that place very lively from that expression.
    3.3.Your essay is organized well. So I can read very quickly with any missing.
    4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):Lines or parts Need improving because
    4.1.Most of all, I think you have to write more detail about this topic. It is too short.
    4.2.If you use dialogic style, your essay is much more strong.
    5.The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
    In the last paragraph, If you use dialogic style, your essay can be more interesting.


    ReplyDelete
  3. To Changhee Lee From Hanna

    1. what I like your writing because I am moved by your experiece and I felt that you and your sister's relationship is quite good.

    2.your main point seems to be you found that your sister is an important part in your heart when you lost her.And you felt very guilt.

    3.the particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
    "However few minutes later, I found new game console and my attention got distracted." I like it because it can descript you really forget to take care of your litte sister clearly.
    "After I met my sister again, I told her I'm sorry and I love you. " I like it because I really can felt that your little sister is very important to you. it's your real feeling at that moment.

    4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear,supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
    " My mother told me that I am going to go to police station and you should keep looking for your sister here. " (My mother told me that she was going to the police office and I should keep on looking my sister here"
    I think you should correct your grammar uses and the time senses use. keep on writing your paper, and your need to know more vocabularies to improving your essay.

    5.I think you can read some books, it would make the biggest improvement in this paper. cheer up.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Changhee Lee 2nd Draft

    MISSING SISTER

    Many people might have experience which is so vivid and clear that it is hard to forget. I also have clear experience that I’ll never forget. In 2003, I was sixteen years old and I was living with my family. My mother, sister and I went to downtown Gimpo to buy grocery for dinner on Sunday. At that time my sister was only 4 years old. My mother started to talk with the street vendor and told me that you should keep your eye on sister. At first, I was holding my sister's hand and I kept my eye on her. However few minutes later, I found new game console and my attention got distracted. I forgot I had to take care of my sister and I lost her in the middle of downtown.
    As soon as I knew that I lost my sister, I called out my mom and told her that I lost her. We were so shocked that we didn't know what we have to do. My mother said “I am going to go to police station and you keep looking for your sister here.” My mother dashed to police station and I kept casting around for sister. Since I thought that I lost my sister, tears started falling from my eyes. I kept running and running to find her. However I couldn't find my sister. A few minutes later, my mother found my sister in front of the Gimpo police station. One middle aged woman found my sister crying alone and she took her to the police station so my mother found them at there.
    After I met my sister again, I said to her “I'm sorry and I love you.” We hugged each other and cried. I don’t know exactly why I was crying. I think that I was scared of losing my only one sister and felt sorry for her. I can't forget that experience since it was too clear and vivid. Thanks to the experience, I got to know how I love my sister and my family.

    ReplyDelete