1. Just as almost everybody would probably agree, endlessly struggling to change one's life without giving up looks greater than just giving up.
-> Just as almost everybody would probably agree, it looks greater to endlessly struggle to change one's life rather than giving up.
2. First she lived in a small house, but later, as she entered the middle school and her father was transferred to the same school, family moved to an official residence near the school.
-> As she entered middle school and her father was transferred to the same school, her family moved to an official residence around it.
3. She was fairly good at study that she almost always took 1st place in her class. What she was especially good at was English.
-> She did well in school that she almost always took 1st place in her class. She especially did an outstanding job in English.
4. Usually English teachers in Korea, especially if they're quite old, their pronunciation is not very good. And students who are quite interested in English and, do a good job in English, are also good at pronunciation.
-> English teachers in Korea, especially if they're quite old, usually have bad pronunciation. On the contrary, students who are quite interested in and good at English have good pronunciation.
5. She didn't want to major it but her parents wanted her to be a teacher.
-> She hadn't meant to major in home economics and education but her parents, who wanted her to be a schoolteacher, had forced her to apply.
6. She tried hard to recover her grade and newly get a good grade on other subjects.
-> She spent her second year trying hard to recover her grade and get good grades on other subjects, as well as preparing for the test needed for changing major.
7. She said she realized the greatness of poem and novels as she read a lot of them.
-> Having read a lot of poems and novels, she realized how great they were.